What have you quit or said no to recently? Do you feel too busy, as many people in the United States feel? And were you raised to not be a quitter, like I was raised?
An elderly Quaker woman, a veteran of many good works, told me 20 years ago that when she took on a new project or time commitment, she made sure that she let go of a similarly-sized time commitment. This kept her from making herself crazy. A new project in her life meant an existing project was leaving her life. It was like a budget that had to balance, except it was her hours instead of her dollars. Commitment in, commitment out, like balancing a checkbook.
I disregarded this good advice recently when I signed up and got trained to be a literacy volunteer for an excellent organization. The fact is that my life is already full between a full-time job with a long commute, this blog, an intimate marriage, two aging parents I care about very much in another state, my church, and things like the need to wash my hair hopefully twice a week. I’m not able or willing to shove any of these things off my plate. What was I thinking when I took on a sizable new commitment?
Well, I was wanting to do more, and wishfully thinking that more hours would materialize in the week for me. Helping an African refugee mother learn to read would be a great thing to do — and my friend Colleen will be doing it. Possibly I can help out once in awhile in the coming months by playing with the children while Colleen is leading a lesson with the mom. But I can’t take on a new project. It would make me crazy, and I’d probably make the people around me crazy. More is not more, in this case.
So I had to call Susi yesterday and quit even before I’d really started (I hadn’t yet met my client). I was embarrassed. Quitting feels bad. But I would have been more embarrassed to quit later, after I bonded with the client. And life cannot always feel good. Expecting that it should makes for poor decisions and disastrous consequences.
At this stage in my life, my blog is my volunteer work. My mission at Diamond-Cut Life is to help people reduce their consumption and carbon footprint while increasing their happiness. It’s a 10-14 hour/week commitment, and it’s my only steady volunteer gig for the foreseeable future.
It’s a constant in life that we have to choose some things over other things. This is true both for how we spend our money and how we spend our time. Maybe it’s the essence of being mortal, that we have to deal with some limits and constraints. I’m humbled by the fact that I can’t do everything, but I’m also relieved by it. I have my focus back. Less is often more.
Related Posts:
- The Inconvenient Truth of the 168-hour Week
- How To Save Five Hours A Week
- Oregon’s Popularity: Be A Giver Rather Than A Taker
Hi Alison,
Great post! I especially like your point about “life not feeling good all the time”; this is a very important point and an item many people struggle with at times.
Best,
Vince Scordo
It’s so important to be able to say no, there are so many worthwhile things we all could do but no individual can do all of them, you made the right choice and at the right time.
Good to hear from you again, Juliet.
Vince, True that many struggle with this. It can be hard to grow up, would be my observation on their resistance.