This post resolves the question: Should I end my petlessness? Two months ago, lots of readers weighed in on my related question: do pets raise our quality of life? The near-consensus, at least among people with pets, was a heartfelt “yes”. That feeling did not change when it came to dealing with the deaths of pets, posted last month. People were clear that the joy of loving their pets was worth the pain of eventually losing them.
Getting kissed by Belle
What went into my decision? I travel a lot with my work, and I wanted to do right by any pet I would have. Dana in Tucson (who sparked this whole series by urging me to get a pet) pointed out a cat would be best, since they are so independent. But my husband Thor is allergic to cats, so felines are out. I’ve always liked dogs, but we have no fences, plus we have gardens and no grass, which mean a dog couldn’t help but destroy plants. Even if we remedied those things, the dog-walker (me) would be gone too much. The dog wouldn’t get its needs met.
A bird? It makes no sense to me to cage a bird that is meant to fly. And as lovable as they are to many people, reptiles, fish and small rodents aren’t cuddly enough for me (I’m a 10 in this area, just ask my husband).
So, what have I decided about a pet? I’m not getting a pet of my own, at least not at this stage in my life. But, happily, I can still have animals in my life. The other night Belle (pictured above) and my human friend Colleen (pictured here with me atop Mt. St. Helens) came over for dinner and a sleepover. Belle has slept over a number of times, both with and without Colleen, and it’s always festive and affectionate (and punctuated by kisses). Belle has 10 pack-mates (yes, 10 — Colleen and Thad run a sled-dog team) and going camping with this gang each summer satisfies more of my need to be around animals.
While writing this series, I was reminded of my lifelong love for horses. So I took a series of horseback riding lessons this winter, which was fun and surprisingly challenging. I was much less bold and confident on a horse at age 52 than when I was a spindly girl of 11, and would gallop around on any horse you would put under me. I talked with Kat, my horseback riding instructor, about the possibility of leasing a horse. Lots of people do this: you pay a horse owner, say, 200 dollars a month, and then ride or hang out with the horse on a schedule that works for everyone. The owner retains all the responsibilities of owning the horse, but the one leasing it gets to have a horse in his or her life. I can picture myself leasing a horse sometime in the future, when my work schedule is a lot quieter.
Here is my takeaway from dealing with the pet question: personal ownership is not the only way to have a good thing in our lives. When you think about it, personal ownership is not the nature of much of life. Schools, parks and the very roads and sidewalks that let us leave our homes and go from one place to another are all shared, not privately owned.
Libraries, used by tens of millions of people per year, are proof-of-concept that shared ownership can be a hit. Our lives would be much less rich if we had to personally own a good book in order to read it (see books I love for my personal recommendations). The diamond-cut life is about more joy and less stuff. When we share, much less stuff is needed in the world — while still meeting our needs. Sharing enables sustainability.
Over to you. Whether animals, parks, roads or library books or something entirely different, what adds to your happiness and quality of life – that you do not personally own? Comments here.
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As one of the few who weighed in against pet ownership as being the right thing for everyone at every stage of life, I appreciate your decision to embrace the pets without the ownership. Two things that definitely fall in that category of things that I enjoy without owning are museums and churches. When I travel these are the two things that are always at the top of my list to see. I have seen extraordinary works of art in museums around the world that are far, far beyond the reach of my ownership, but are no less pleasurable. Indeed, sharing the joy of the experience with others only enhances the experience. Somehow I can’t imagine that seeing Michelangelo’s Pieta in my living room could even begin to approach the thrill of seeing it in its chapel in St. Peters.
Barbara, I’m with you on loving museums and churches. Really, don’t they just seem to hold civilization together, in many ways? And I really appreciated your honesty earlier about not being enchanted with your pet at this stage in your life.
I love the horse-leasing idea! Not only do you benefit, but the lucky horse gets an extra dose of human-love. A win-win.
And I think your decision was wise. Dogs need a lot of attention and most breeds need a lot of exercise. If you aren’t home, you can’t do either, and a frustrated dog isn’t a happy dog.
Good work, Ali!
Thanks for the affirmation, Allison. I think your dogs have the best possible canine life out there in the countryside, with you teleworking. Still working on finding a dinner date for the four of us!
I agree and appreciate your decision. I felt a cat (or two) was the appropriate choice but, alas, that was not a possiblility. Once I knew that, I was hoping you would opt to stay pet-free, for now anyway. Good choice!
Does this mean you’re open for dog-sitting? How many dogs at once …? Just let me know …
Two! That way I can make it through taking them on walks, since your dogs don’t heel, they pull me as if I’m a sled. I’m happy to be a sled. Just sayin’.
We enjoy boating now and then, maybe twice a year. We rent a small boat at a local lake for half a day and then once a year we rent a little speedboat for 2 hours in San Diego Bay.Enough! No upkeep, etc.
A baby: I haven’t owned one in a long time.I borrow my friends’ now and then and then give them back.Works for all of us. I get a baby for a bit.They get a break from the baby.
Art: I have stopped buying art since my walls have been full for years. We enjoy Museums, art galleries locally, various shops where I can go enjoy artful stuff, but not bring it home.
Sports cars: Back in my working years I did enjoy having a kinda cool car. It was before my frugal days. Now,We go to a local weekly car show where car collectors show off their gorgeous cars,motorcycles, etc..It’s free entertainment and I don’t need to OWN ONE to enjoy ALL of them. (I drive a 10 yr. old vehicle now..)
Skis: My son and husband love to ski.Long time ago they had to own really good skis, the latest.They only get to ski twice a year,though, — so for years now they just rent skis..that way they always have the latest but not the price of new ones, or upkeep and repair. They car pool and go to a local resort for a great guys bonding weekend with 3-4 other friends or cousins.. a yearly ritual.
Well , we don’t live too close to the bone but we are as frugal as we care to be at this stage of our lives. Some activities are worth the investment, but spending one’s resources THOUGHTFULLY is what counts. Save the expenditures for what really counts. Share borrow and rent what you don’t need to purchase.
When I first moved to Arizona, my best friend and I shared ONE WINTER COAT for when she visited relatives back in Chicago and I went back to Philly. That coat served us both for 10 years!! (Now all the relatives have moved here!)
Music; Spotify. I now stream music for free, never buy any.
Great comment, Madeline. Actually, you wrote a good post of your own! My favorite parts are sharing a single winter coat with your best friend and “spending one’s resources THOUGHTFULLY is what counts.” Also: “Share borrow and rent what you don’t need to purchase.”
Amen .
Oh dear, I did not mean to hog your blog! LOL!! I used to write an astrology blog — I guess you can tell I miss it.I’ve been searching for a blog theme to get started blogging again.Frugality isn’t really it. Almost retired is close (I am retired my husband is not yet).. Living Thoughtfully, joyfully, well.. maybe but that’s pretty general–I have to keep my thinking cap on.I really enjoy your very thoughtful posts about so many different topics too!
I love your idea of renting time with a beautiful horse! That would be good for you and the horse!!
Brilliant idea Alison, on so many levels. Enjoy your new horsey friendships.
Tess, Ironically, I haven’t had time to drive over to the horse stable in weeks. I notice that new friendships and activities are much more likely to ‘stick’ if they are woven into my existing community of friends and activities, rather than free-standing and unconnected. Still, horseback riding was a good outing.